Friday Fantasy: Beware The Mindfuck!

Calamity has befallen London (and beyond). The year before last, a great comet was seen in the sky, surely a sign of an ill portend. Last year it proved to be so as the plague swept through the city, infected households being forced to isolate as the authorities nailed the doors to houses shut. Carts roll through the city collecting the dead, ready to transport them to great burial pits, so many are they. The King and his court have fled the city, leaving the poor to suffer and survive—if they can. Now a worse calamity has struck the city. A strange alien has discovered the city and seen the suffering of its inhabitants as an opportunity to spread its own its seed—literally—and so turn all of the surviving inhabitants into a cult wholly devoted to it. First London. Then the world. This is the set-up for Beware The Mindfuck!, a scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess. It is a little different from other scenarios released by the publisher. Though set in the roleplaying game’s default era of the Early Modern period, it is much shorter than the typical scenario from the publisher at twelve pages long, it is more obviously a one-shot, and it is designed for Player Characters of Fourth Level. It also carries an ‘18+ Explicit Content’ label on the front cover—and it deserves to.

Be warned. The language and the tone of Beware The Mindfuck! is strong and of an adult nature and it deserves that warning label. Some of that language is repeated as part of the review where necessary.

More specifically, it is Saturday, 1st September 1666. The plague has raged across the city for a year. An alien being known only as the Mindfucker has occupied the church on Pudding Lane. It has begun ejaculating ‘Ectoparasitoid Jizz’ out of its penis-like tentacle and this ejaculate is not only identical to the fleas that are the vector for the bacterium, Yersinia pestis, but also one of its two effects is to infect the victims it bites with symptoms that are not dissimilar to Yersinia pestis. This effect is fatal. The other effect is not fatal, but does cause its victims to fall under the sway of the Mindfucker. Not only that, but they also become fanatically devoted to the alien, worshipping and serving him in any fashion they can. Having established itself and its cult in the church, even amongst the chaos of the plague-ridden city, its presence has been noticed… There are two suggestions as to how it comes to the attention of the Player Characters. One is for them to be employed by the Catholic Church to locate and investigate a new faith called the Saints of Psion, the other is for some of Player Characters to stumble across another Player Character that has already been grabbed by the Mindfucker’s fanatics and is being carried back to the church.

If Beware The Mindfuck! is anything, it is a collection of NPCs, monsters, and encounters that the Player Characters might meet in the course of the scenario. This course sees the Player Characters cross London from an unspecified starting point to Pudding Lane. There is some description of the city and of the plague itself, but in the main, Beware The Mindfuck! is dedicated to its inhabitants and encounters. The former include watchmen who use their authority to line their pockets, body snatchers who will knock out and grab the living to sell to doctors looking for a cure to the plague, and plague doctors whose remedy for the plague, borne in horribly large syringes, is actually deadlier than the plague itself! The encounters take in all of these and more, including rat swarms, bigger rat swarms, men handing out victuals, a turncoat from the cult, and an infected nun. Perhaps the weirdest of all is the conspiracy theorist who sounds mad, but actually is speaking the truth and is modelled on Alex Jones, and the reviewer who turns up and criticises the actual scenario that the players are playing and the Game Master is running. This appears to be hilarious, at least as far as the author is concerned.

It all ends with a few haphazard notes from the author as to the lack of map and what he added to the second playtest, but not in the published scenario. Which ultimately, does not amount to much more than a meatgrinder of one nasty encounter after another across London before the Player Characters get to the church on Pudding Lane and hopefully discover that they cannot kill the alien in a standup fight and so resort to other means to destroy both it and its cultists. Presumably with fire, because this is Pudding Lane and it is London and it is 1666. Which is about as much plot as there is.

Physically, Beware The Mindfuck! is short, clean, and tidy. It needs a slight edit, but the main thing it lacks is a map or two. The author is fully aware of this and makes a point of it. Not only that, but also lampooning reviewers in the encounter table complaining about the lack of maps. He makes the legitimate point that there are plenty of maps of seventeenth century London online that the Game Master can use. This is fair, although what is not fair, is the lack of maps of the alien’s lair to be found online. He also makes the point that when he runs a game, he does not use maps. This is also a legitimate point, but only in two places. First in his mind and second at his table. However, Beware The Mindfuck! is not written or published to be solely run at the author’s table and solely by the author, but by other Game Masters and in other places. Said Game Masters might want or appreciate the inclusion of a map, but in this case the author willfully and illegitimately ignores what they might want or need. Make of that what you will.

Beware The Mindfuck! is coarse, boorish, and vulgar. At its best—and that is not a term that can be applied in general to this scenario—Beware The Mindfuck! possesses an attention to detail parts in describing its vile depiction of plague-ridden London. At its worst—and that is a term that can be applied in general to this scenario—Beware The Mindfuck! is prurient and unpleasant. Fans of Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying will probably appreciate it for that. Anyone else will probably find little of use in its pages and are advised to avoid it.

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DISCLAIMER: The author of this review is an editor who has edited titles for Lamentations of the Flame Princess on a freelance basis. He was not involved in the production of this book and his connection to both publisher and thus the author has no bearing on the resulting review.