Insolence & Insults

There comes a point in a roleplaying game when the campaign’s villain delivers such a cutting remark that a Player Character cannot simply be the better man and shrug off the insult. Perhaps it is a matter of honour or a matter of reputation, or it could simply be that the player—and his character—has had enough and is so irked that he cannot but respond. The player clears his voice and looking at the Game Master, says in waspish fashion, “…” Or rather, he dries up. He cannot think of a suitable rejoinder and the game comes to a halt. It happens to the best of us, it happens to the most tongue-tied of us. Not all of us can respond to a jibe or taunt with a suitably derisory retort and not every player is verbally dexterous or creative. Of course, in a such a situation, a player can simply roll the dice, add bonuses from his character’s Charisma and Taunt or Fast Talk, and rely on the numerical outcome to deliver that razor sharp, witty riposte, which will cut his character’s opponent down to size. But then, where would be the fun in that?

“I find the fact that you’ve lived this long both surprising and disappointing.”

Indeed, where would the fun be in that when could simply draw something eminently suitable and appropriately insulting from a deck of cards? The Deck of Many Insults perhaps? Subtitled, “Antagonise & viciously mock your way across the adventuring world”, this is a very simple deck of cards published by Loke BattleMats, best known for publishing volumes of maps such as Big Book of Battle Mats: Rooms, Vaults, & Chambers and Castles, Crypts, & Caverns Books of Battle Mats. The Deck of Many Insults is simply a deck of cards. There are no instructions and perhaps the nearest is the suggestion that The Deck of Many Insults is intended to be compatible any fantasy roleplaying game.

“Have you considered trying your hand at competence?”

The Deck of Many Insults consists of one hundred cards. On the back of the cards, a red dragon is shown about ready to turn and face you, whilst on the front, the red dragon has already turned towards you and is pawing the ground all but ready to pounce! Also on the backs are the insults. These are mostly short and to the point, but some require a pause before the sting can be effectively delivered. The cover of the box does state, “Language Advisory Insulting Content”, which is a bit obvious, because that is The Deck of Many Insults sets out to provide, but it also states “Mature Content Age Recommendation 16+” on the back. This is appropriate because this accessory is not just insultingly rude, it is insultingly crude too, and the language is of an adult nature into the bargain. For example, “This quest reminds me of a cactus. Because everyone on it is a prick.” or “I couldn’t give a gibbering mouther’s jizz about your ill informed opinions.” or “I would have been your father, but the adventurer behind me in the queue had the exact coin”. Most are not quite so scabrous, though they are funny.

“I’d challenge to a battle of wits, but it appears you came unarmed.”

So how to use The Deck of Many Insults? One of the problems with its use, is that it replaces the player fumbling and umming and ahhing as he tries to come up with a suitable response on his own with him shuffling through a deck of cards in search of something appropriate to the situation and the target of his character’s witticism. It is quite likely quicker, but it does lose a certain degree of spontaneity, more so if the players have already pawed and guffawed their way through the cards in the already. An option might be to draw one randomly, which definitely spontaneous, but may lend itself to the player having to utter something out of kilter with the tone of the encounter. That said though, this could in itself be funny and it could lead to some interesting ramifications. Alternatively, a player could keep a handful of carefully chosen cards to keep with his character just in case he needs them or even just in case another player’s character needs them, each player keeping secret what cards he has. This would give the players some choice and allow for some spontaneity. That said, there really is no one definitive way to use these and every Game Master and her players will use them differently.

“Actions will be taken by those who know what they are doing. Not you.”

Physically, The Deck of Many Insults is simply and cleanly presented. The text on the cards is large and easy to read, though a card or two does need a slight edit.

“I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”

The Deck of Many Insults is a deck of cards that everyone needs to agree to have at the table and agree on how it should be used, because it will probably change the tone of game, especially a game with a strong social aspect. Once in play though, The Deck of Many Insults is delightfully defamatory, often hilariously humiliating, and even sometimes reprehensibly rude.