Squawk Borg

If Pirate Borg pitches itself as the “Worst Pirate RPG Ever Made™!”, then get ready for the “Worst Parrot RPG Ever Made™!”. Well, to be fair, compared to pirates, there really is not any competition when it comes to parrot-themed roleplaying games. In fact, the only other one that springs to mind is Pirates of Pugmire from Onyx Path Publishing, and that actually also does pirates and parrots (as well as other anthropomorphic animals). To be even fairer, this review is not even of actual roleplaying game, so arguably, Pirates of Pugmire does not have any competition at all when it comes to actual pirates and parrots roleplaying games. Instead, Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg is an adventure for the the “Worst Pirate RPG Ever Made™!” published by Limithron via Free League Publishing, especially for ‘International Talk Like a Pirate Day’—or is that ‘International Squawk Like a Parrot Day’?—which takes place on Saturday, 19th September each year.

Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg is both a scenario and a mini supplement for Pirate Borg. It enables players to create and roleplay the parrot companions to their usual pirate characters, either as essentially what is a new character Class (though the Game Master will need to decide on the improvements should a Player-Parrot ever level up) or as an animal companion to each Player-Pirate. (And if you want to take a narrative note from Wraith: The Oblivion, you could even have each player’s Parrot companion be played by another player!) A Player-Parrot is treated just like a Player-Pirate in Pirate Borg with the same ability scores and limited Hit Points and Devil’s Luck. A Player-Parrot is of course capable of flight and has simple attacks including claws and beak, but also a ranged poo attack (which requires some reload time—or that straining time?) that each do minimum damage. A Player-Parrot also has a Type, Physical Trademark, Starting Weapon, and a Special Ability. The Type is a Player-Parrot’s species such as Macaw, Parakeet, Cockatoo, Grey, and Amazon, whilst the Physical Trademark can be clipped wings and scruffy, missing leg, or even being a skeleton or ghost! Starting Weapons include sharper beaks or talons, a weapon, a deadly spit, or even Mega Poo! A Special Ability can be an ability improvement, starting play with a random relic or ritual, or simply being lucky. Of course, Player-Parrots are meant to be throwaway—or is that ‘flyaway’?—characters, but as a mini-supplement, Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg provides a good mix of character types and abilities that a player can take as inspiration too for his parrot’s personality in less than half a page.

The scenario in Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg is a hexcrawl—or is that ‘wing-crawl’?—with a simple set-up and simple solution. The Player-Parrots’ pirate crew have gone ashore on a small archipelago to raid a small town and fort held by the English/Spanish/French (delete as appropriate), but left their parrot companions aboard ship because they heard a rumour that the commander of the fort has a menagerie of animals dangerous to parrots. Several days have passed and still the pirates have not returned. So, either the pirates have successfully raided the fort and town and have been celebrating since, or they have been captured or killed by the authorities. Either way, the Player-Parrots need to check.

From the Player-Parrots’ sloop, they can wing their way out over the islands looking for the missing pirates. There are twelve locations, each neatly detailed. There is a graveyard and a sea cave to explore as well as a villa—home to the fort’s commander, the small town, and the fort itself. Soldiers will take pot-shots at the Parrot-Players and there are birds who will harass them, but in some ways the biggest problem for the Player-Parrots will be the capuchin monkeys which will cause a nuisance wherever they are. They chase a ghost in the Graveyard to get a bite of her for the ASH and caper and agitate for fruit (but not bananas, they hate bananas). There are small stories here to be told too, some of which will play out the Player-Parrots explore.

Of course, what the Player-Parrots are looking for is their Pirates. Some are held in the gaol as you would expect, but others are scattered around islands. Some need rescuing, some do not, and some even need saving! How this is done is all up to the Player-Parrots, but their players will need to be inventive and work together to achieve their aims. This is primarily because the Player-Parrots are fragile and really should avoid combat if they can. However, if the Player-Parrots rescue a pirate, that pirate becomes a Player-Pirate. A player can either switch to playing a pirate or stick with his parrot, but if not, the pirate becomes a back-up or replacement character.

Lastly, Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg is different to other scenarios. One reason is, of course, the fact that the players are roleplaying parrots. The other reason is that the scenario has winning conditions. Rescuing pirates, finding treasure, killing soldiers, and pooing on things will all score points. If the scenario is being run on its own, then the points are not that important. However, Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg could be run as a tournament event and then the (parrot) points would mean a whole lot more.

Physically, Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg is very nicely presented. It is a trifold, pamphlet adventure done in full colours with a great cover and a very lovely map. The format means that the writing style is concise, but the content is neatly organised and laid out so the Game Master can run it straight from the one side.

Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg is a very silly affair, but it is also a fun affair. Whether as a one-shot from other roleplaying games or a diversion from a Pirate Borg campaign, Parrot Borg: A Scenario for Pirate Borg is a chance for the players to squawk if they want to fly faster and get polymerous with their parrots.