The Other OSR: Black Powder and Brimstone

The Vaterländer Empire is in purgatory. The Holy Empire of the Sanguine Church is rent by a schism of faith. The Church of Holy Blood, governed by the Grand Magister from the Holy City of Mars, has administered to the faithful for a thousand years. The Church has launched rituals of bloodletting and the imbibing of sanguine sacraments in honour of the Torn Prophet and launched crusades upon the unfaithful. However, some call it decadent, accuse it of corruption, and there arose schisms when some wanted worship to be less excessive and more ascetic. They were called heretics and put to the torch by the Inquisition, yet they found a voice in Luther Martin, who taught that the God of Light and the Torn Prophet’s teachings be taught and experienced by the common man as well as the clergy. To that end, the text of the Torn Prophet was printed in the common tongue, the first of what the Church of Holy Blood regarded as acts of high blasphemy… As Luther Martin’s words drew an ever greater flock, the Church of Holy Blood declared them and Luther Martin to be heretics and he was assassinated. Those who followed his teachings broke with the Church of Holy Blood and from the schism arose two faiths—the Orthodoxy of the Church of Light and the Puritans of the Church of Light. As the Emperor of the Holy Empire of the Sanguine Church led his armies into the Vaterländer Empire to put down the heresy of the Puritans. The peasantry and the zealots of the Puritans of the Church of Light rose up in the city of Deliverance and rounded up the tax collectors and the priests and burned them alive in what was once Festival Square, but is now Execution Square. The Vaterländer Empire split into the Holy Confederacy of the Puritan Church and those loyal to the Church of Light and Holy Emperor.

As religious war spread, cities burned, thousands died, and neighbouring powers took advantage of the weakened Holy Empire of the Sanguine Church. Svea and Orla funded the Puritans and as one city and town after another declared its allegiance to one side or the other, one faith or the other, or even none, no army could protect them all. So out went the call for mercenaries on all sides, and as long as they are paid, such free companies will serve their paymasters, but if not, they become as much of a threat as the enemy extracting the pay they are owed, in the process, making the populace suffer further. The Inquisition and its witchfinders scour the broken land in search of corruption, signs of the dark arts, and demons, ready to torture, burn, and hang all it suspects, all in service of the Orthodoxy of the Church of Light, yet almost as fanatically as the Puritans. The Inquisition cannot be everywhere and where a witch would be burned where the Puritans hold sway, a wise woman would be revered where the Orthodoxy remains, and demons frolic, come to Vaterländ to revel in the pain and suffering. Worse, even worse than the plague and famine that rolls back and forth across the land, is the Staggering Pox that blights the dead of the battlefields in their shallow graves and forces them to walk again… Another year of Purgatory and winter seems longer and colder than the last…

This is the setting for Black Powder and Brimstone, a roleplaying game which is very obviously inspired by the events of the Thirty Years’ War, the civil war which tore the Holy Roman Empire apart between 1618 and 1648, born of the Reformation that divided Christendom in Western Europe. Published by Free League Publishing following a successful Kickstarter campaign, it is compatible with Mörk Borg, the Swedish pre-apocalypse Old School Renaissance style roleplaying game designed by Ockult Örtmästare Games and Stockholm Kartell and also published by Free League Publishing. This is a setting in which the Player Characters not only have to survive the horrors of war, but also the fanaticism of the faithful, the unnatural and the occult as well as the attentions of the Inquisition in ferreting out signs of apostasy and heresy. Vaterländ is a land where demons lurk and cultists skulk, flagellants scourge themselves into apoplexies of piety and pain, mercenaries and armies tramp the land taking what they want when they feel they have not been given what they are owed, the night folk dart out of the black swathes of forest at night in search of human flesh, the Bandersnatch takes lost children to who knows where, and the Staggering Pox casts a sickly green shadow... They may simply survive or they may form free companies, mercenaries for hire by either side, and so gain employment and responsibilities.

A Player Character in Black Powder and Brimstone has four stats—Strength, Agility, Presence, and Toughness. These range in value between -3 and +3. The values are determined by rolling three six-sided dice, modified by the character’s Archetype and Subclass. The five Archetypes are Mercenary Deserter, Bounty Hunter, Witch, Opportunist, and Practioneer. The Subclasses for the Mercenary Deserter are Rifleman, Greatswordsman (who comes with a Zweihander) and Grenadier; for the Bounty Hunter they are Pistolier, Master Trapper, and Beast Hunter; for the Witch, they are Woods Witch, Herbalist, and Hexen; those for the Opportunist are Adventurer, Sneak Thief, and Silver-Tongued Trickster; and for Practioneer, they consist of Vow of War, Vow of Healing, and Vow of Sustencance. Each Archetype provides the Stat bonuses, some gold, and a little background, whilst the Subclasses provide equipment and a special ability. A set of optional tables provide various character traits including a background skill.

Ottilie Schönlein
Archetype: Witch
Subclass: Hexen
Abilities: Curse (-2/+2 penalty/bonus), Black Candles, Deck of Cards
Strength 0 Agility 0 Presence +3 Toughness +1
Hit Points: 12
Background: Running from a deal gone wrong
Spells: Invisibility, Befuddlement
Character Traits: Ottilie is sullen; Ottilie wants to write a book; Ottilie’s setback is rudeness; Ottilie is good at dancing; Ottilie’s passion is being creative; Ottilie most notable physical feature is her jewellery

Collectively, the Player Characters can form a Free Company. This costs a lot of gold to register, but the members should have a shared goal and will share both treasure and income. If a Player Character is killed whilst a member of a Free Company, a new one can enlist at the same Level and degree of income. Beyond that, being a member of a Free Company does not provide any benefits. It is supported with rules for hiring mercenaries and a very light means of handling combat between detachments.

Mechanically, Black Powder and Brimstone is, like Mörk Borg, player-facing. In other words, the players roll the dice, not the Game Master. This particularly applies to combat whereas as well as rolling for his character to stab a witch, a player also rolls avoid being bitten by the witch rat familiar. To have his character undertake an action, a player rolls a twenty-sided die, aiming to roll equal to or over a Difficulty Rating from six and simple to eighteen and impossible, with an average Difficulty Rating being ten or twelve. To this he adds the value of the stat.

In addition to setting the Difficulty Rating of a task, the Game Master can determine the Position and Impact based upon the situation. These do not adjust the Difficulty Rating, but set out the consequences of the action, Position the outcome if a failure, Impact if a success. Position can either be ‘Shaky’, ‘Risky’, or ‘Dire’, that is, not as bad as it could have been, as bad as expected, or worse than was imagined. There is scope for the player to negotiate with the Game Master as which degree of Position or Impact applies to the situation and a player can even trade Position for Impact, making a task easier to complete, but not be as effective. Position and Impact are also applied to negotiations, a player typically having his character attempting to shift an NPC’s disposition from Hostile/Strong through Indifferent/Fair to Positive/Strong.

Combat uses the same core mechanic. Initiative is simply determined by who acts first, but combat order is rolled with any Player Character with a positive Agility stat at an advantage. Mêlée combat uses the Strength stat, both magic and ranged combat use Presence, and Defence uses Agility. The rules cover stealth, the breaking of morale, cover, attacks of opportunity, grappling and stunning, and more, including simple chase rules for mounted combat. There are a handful of possible outcomes given for rolls of natural one or twenty in combat for mêlée, ranged combat, and using magic. If a character is reduced to zero or negative Hit Points, his player must make a Toughness check. If successful, the character is simply Broken, but fail and he might fall unconscious, suffer a wound, or bleed to death. A wicked scar might be small or might be missing nose or a limb. Worse, there is a chance that rusty, unclean weapons will cause an infection beyond the wound itself…

Most of the weapons have special rules. For example, on roll of eighteen plus, a zweihänder will cut a man in half, whilst its cumbersome nature means that it is at a penalty to use in enclosed spaces, whereas a club will knock someone out on a roll of sixteen or more. All black powder weapons have a misfire die, an eight-sided die rolled in addition to the attack roll. On a roll of two, the weapon misfires, one a roll of one it explodes and injures the wielder—the aarquebus is worse! All take a round to reload, but the advantage of these black powder weapons is that they ignore armour. Armor simply reduces damage for other attacks.

A Player Character also has access to ‘Devil’s Luck’. This can be spent to either lower the Difficulty Rating of a task or to activate a Dark Power. A Dark Power might be to deal maximum damage, neutralise a critical roll or a fumble, allow a reroll of any die, or ignore all damage dealt to a Player Character. However, it has its consequences, as the Player Character might gain a mutation, like small bony horns sprouting from his head or growing an extra finger on his hand.

A Witch can cast between one and four spells per day. Casting a spell is a simple Presence roll, but if failed, the Witch is left temporarily dizzy and whilst dizzy cannot successfully cast another spell. Only a Witch can learn spells, although other Player Characters can consume various potions for similar effects. Spells include Cursed Ammunition which hits easier and harder, but the wielder suffers damage; Wound Eater causes the target to suffer all damage temporarily that the caster would otherwise suffer; Back from the Brink brings a fresh corpse back to life, but reduces his total Hit Points. The spell list is not extensive and includes three spells—Spectral Skeletons, Raise the Dead, and Death Glare—that can only be learned from Gothel, the Mistress of Twilight. A mishap will occur if the Witch’s player rolls a one on the spell casting roll.

For the Game Master there is revelations about the setting and some decent advice on running the game and creating scenarios. The former includes applying ‘Yes and…’ and ‘No, but…’, using failed rolls to make something happen rather negate the action, and the use of countdown clocks, all very modern for an Old School Renaissance-style roleplaying. The latter is backed up with some short frameworks around which the Game Master can build a plot, some sample plot hooks, and a set of tables to generate adventures, locations—and inns in particular, and even dungeons. There is also quite a large bestiary, of which mutants, bandits, free company mercenaries, and puritan martials are the most mundane. More outré monsters include the Grave Colossus, walking graveyards with a hatred of grave robbers, Dryads, and a host of demons. There is even a weird swerve into Science Fiction in the form of the Watchers, cowardly aliens which conduct experiments in secret. There is also a full gallery of villains, friends, and adversaries, some of which more than a little tongue in cheek, like the world-renowned thief, Carmen San Dominira, and Lord Flash, a British mercenary with a silver tongue and a lot of luck, unlike those he leads into battle.

Rounding out Black Powder and Brimstone is a short scenario, ‘The House of Pain and Loss’. The Player Characters arrive in the town of Koch. It is rundown due to the war and the higher taxes, but the town noticeboard has several notices nailed to it asking about the whereabouts of several missing women. There is little to learn in the town except that the local nobleman, Count Lethgar, has not been seen since the death of his wife and that the wife of the innkeeper is missing. The inference is that there might be a creature of the night abroad and it might be the count. It is an easy assumption to come to since the plot to the scenario is underwhelmingly straightforward, ending in an investigation of the count’s manse and discovering his secrets. Annoyingly, the Game Master has to ‘read to find out’ what the plot is as there is no explanation at the start of the scenario, which can played in the same session as the players create their characters.

Physically, Black Powder and Brimstone is stunning. The artwork has a cartoonishly grim and gothic style that is really eye-catching and pivotal in conveying the sense of the game and its world, enticing the viewer to look, find out, and want to play. Black Powder and Brimstone really is a cool looking book. However, it does need an edit.

There is a lot to like about Black Powder and Brimstone. The setting—and the artwork are enthralling, since this is one of the few roleplaying games to specifically draw upon the Thirty Years’ War for its key inspiration. There have been other roleplaying games to do the same, most notably Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, but that does not draw so directly upon the religious schism and the resulting war. Indeed, it could be argued that Black Powder and Brimstone is the Old School Renaissance answer to Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, but the historical parallels between the setting of Black Powder and Brimstone and the Thirty Years’ War and the emphasis upon horror rather than fantasy in Black Powder and Brimstone suggests otherwise. (In fact, it could be said that the parallels between the setting of Black Powder and Brimstone and the Thirty Years’ War are a bit too on the nose, such as naming the instigator of the Reformation, ‘Luther Martin’.) Yet Black Powder and Brimstone is not a wholly satisfying design. Mechanically, it is underdeveloped, in the main, the ‘Position’ and ‘Impact’ mechanic feeling bolted on and being more narrative in play, at odds with the Old School sensibility of Mörk Borg. As an extension of that, the social mechanics are best described as a statement of intent rather than a set of rules. Other issues are more minor, but Black Powder and Brimstone seems to be trying to be modern, yet old and not quite right as either.

The other issue is the setting and what to do with it. That the included scenario is so uninspiring is the coda to the issue of what the Player Characters are going to be doing in setting. There are some plot hooks and advice, but there is no discussion of long term or campaign play.

Black Powder and Brimstone is a really fantastic looking book with what looks to be a very gameable setting, but unfortunately it does not deliver that setting or that game as easily as it should have done. Its lack of development is going to leave the Game Master with some work to do and a lot of rulings during play to successfully run it. Hopefully a companion volume or some scenarios will go a long way to fixing that.

—oOo—

Free League Publishing will be at UK Games Expo which takes place on Friday, May 30th to Sunday June 1st, 2025.

Friday Fantasy: Bee-Ware!

If you suffer from apiophobia or hay fever when the pollen count is particularly high, or just hate bees, then Bee-Ware! is not a scenario for you. It is though, a scenario, where the inhabitants of Ambersham are happy with the bees and can actually transform into bees, producing a highly regarded mead that has mild restorative effect. Ambersham is a small village in the county of Kent—as default—and it is home to an infestation of giant shape-changing bee monsters that actually, are not on rampage, represent no active threat to anyone, and would just like to get on with being giant shape-changing bee monsters and making mead. However, this is a scenario for Lamentationsof the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying, published by Lamentations ofthe Flame Princess, and written by Kelvin Green. Which means that once again, that some poor, small, English village is going to get it in the neck. Kelvin Green really, really hates poor, small, English villages and delights in inflicting horrible situations on them. In this case, the horrible situation that Kelvin Green is going to inflict on Ambersham consists of the Player Characters. Once the Player Characters start poking around, the bee-people of Ambersham are going to react. This can be as benign as offering the Player Characters bribes to go away or even a stake in the mead-making business, but the lesson behind Bee-Ware! is that if you poke the bees’ nest, the bees are going to poke you. Or in the case of Bee-Ware! sting you. There fifty such inhabitants of Ambersham and their poison has an effect of forcing a Save versus Poison—or die. Most of the bee-people will die too, of course, but fifty giant bee-people with lethal stings? How many times is a player going to have to make such as Saving Throw before his character is killed?

Bee-Ware! has no actual real starting point. It has suggestions that can be used to get the Player Characters involved. These include their being hired to investigate the Ambersham mead, to look for a missing person, checking on the health of the village’s priest who has been heard from in some time, going to loot Lady Ambersham’s manor after rumours of her death, and even spot a bee-person attacking someone in a crowd and then fleeing, leaving the victim to whisper something intriguing as his dying words. Once the Player Characters reach Ambersham, they find it a quiet, bucolic place, with lots of wild meadows and flowers, bees buzzing around, and villagers going about their business. From the outset, as soon as the villagers spot the Player Characters, they will be telling them, “We don’t want your kind round here.” They will at least get a pint and a meal at the village tavern, The Dog & Bastard, before being told the same.

Further exploration will potentially reveal two buildings of note. One is the manor house, home to Lady Ambersham, now transformed into queen bee—quite literally—and containing rooms filled with honeycomb and furniture drenched in honey. The other is a ruin, which once they gain entrance, the Player Characters will find out what is really going on—if they can negotiate its multi-dimensional structure it has had since the owner unsuccessfully cast a spell forty years earlier. Not only is the owner still in the house, but so is the extra-dimensional swarm entity which gives the bee-enhanced lady Ambersham her power and her hold over the rest of the village and the parts of the scroll detailing the spell that was cast and thus the means to reverse it.

The situation is monstrous, but benign. The Player Characters could walk away and nothing would really happen. Or they could go on a monster-killing rampage—if they could survive the potential anaphylactic shocks, that is. Then again, as much as a monster as she is, Lady Ambersham is not entirely monstrous. She will negotiate and it is possible for the Player Characters to walk away with a good deal, whether that is money in their pockets or a stake in the mead business. There is also a quartet of youthful hotheads who will give the Player Characters more trouble than telling them simply to get out of the village and then is also the ridiculously named Captain Adamski Rimsky-Korsakov and Professor Gottfried Bosch, a pair of monster hunters reminiscent of Captain Kronos – Vampire Hunter, who both believe that the village is infested with lycanthropes and are there to gather intelligence and then kill everyone. If that includes the Player Characters, well, they were probably lycanthropes too. Plus, they refused to get tested. Of course, the other reason they are there is to cause chaos, get the action going, and mess up whatever it is that the Player Characters have planned so far. It depends on how the Game Master wants to use them.

Physically, Bee-Ware! is black and all shades of grey and honey. The artwork is cartoonishly entertaining and the cartography is excellent.

Bee-Ware! is set in roughly 1630, in the Early Modern period, the default period for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying. Its isolated set-up means that it is easy to shift it to other times and settings, but it is easy to slip into a campaign anyway. Otherwise, Bee-Ware! is a classic ‘Kelvin-Green-village-in-peril’, or rather it is a classic ‘Kelvin-Green-village-in-peril’ with a twist, and that twist, is the Player Characters. They are effectively the monsters in the scenario, they are the ones whose presence will trigger a slaughter—theirs or the monsters. Which is absolutely great, but the benignity of the situation in Bee-Ware! also extends to the set-up and the Game Master will need work hard to get the players and their character motivated to Amersham. If she can, then the fun and weirdness can begin.

Friday Fantasy: Winnie-the-Shit

Kelvin Green must have had a horrible childhood and it must have taken place in a small village. After all he seems intent on twisting and destroying one toy or characters from childhood after another and inflicting the consequences upon some poor settlement of innocent villagers. It was Superman with Green Messiah and it was the Transformers with More Than Meets The Eye: A Short Adventure with Lots of Tentacles and it was… well probably best not to even think about it with Fish Fuckers – Or, a Record, Compil’d in Truth, of the Sordid Activities of the People of Innsmouth, Devon. The latest addition in the author’s programme to destroy, or at least besmirch, everything about his childhood—let alone our childhoods—is Winnie-the-Pooh. Yes, the loveable, yellow-haired, honey loving bear of very little brain, which Disney has been bringing us… Or not. Because the bear in question is Winnie-the-Pooh, but not the one that everyone knows and loves from the silver screen. No, this is the Winnie-the-Pooh of creator A.A. Milne, whose U.S. copyright expired at the beginning of 2022, meaning that Disney no longer held the exclusive copyright and other creators could thus make content based on this version of the character. Very quickly, the British slasher-horror film, Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, appeared as a result of that. It is also why we now have Winnie-the-Shit.

Winnie-the-Shit is a scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplay published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess. Designed for Player Characters of between Second and Fourth Levels, it is set in the roleplaying game’s default period of the seventeenth century, the early modern era. Specifically, Sussex, not far from Town Littleworth, the location for Green Messiah, before the English Civil War. So, Winnie-the-Shit could be run before or after the events of Green Messiah, and the author suggests ways in which this can be done. Other ways of getting the Player Characters involved include their wanting to contact, study with, or simply rob the Magic-User rumoured to be active in the area, find out why he has imported a live bear from Europe, their having been paid to deal with some recalcitrant commoners in the area, or simply even because they are just passing through and spot something odd. Although that said, the author really, really hates that last option.* Another is that agents of Doctor John Dee—the seventeenth century equivalent of the Men in Black (doublet and hose)—have also heard of the new weirdness going on in the area and want it investigated.

* So the last thing you do as the Game Master is use this option and you definitely do not tell him about it on social media.

The scenario is a sandbox, a wooded area known as Lancaster Great Park. A wizard recently arrived in Lancaster Great Park and began a series of experiments that resulted in the creation of human-animal hybrids he called ‘New Men’. Believing them to be better than humanity, he planned to replace mankind with the superior New Men, a plan that was wholly embraced by the newly created creatures and saw the wizard himself being imprisoned for his inferior humanity. Now, the New Men, led by the brutish Edward Bear, a creature small of brain, big of ambition, small of attention span, and lover of mead, have taken over the area, captured anyone who has not fled, and are looking to expand. Progress is slow, primarily because despite their teachings and their regularly updated laws, the New Men are not all that superior and Edward Bear is bloody lazy.

Edward Bear’s sense of lassitude runs throughout Winnie-the-Shit. Thus, whilst there are factions within the New Men of Lancaster Great Park, they are not particularly adversarial in their attitudes towards each other, but rather have their own interests. Edward Bear enjoys the trappings of power, he gets bored with the responsibility too easily; Owl is primarily interested in learning since he is the only one of the New Men able to read; and Rabbit, the very busy messenger of the New Men, is distracted by treasure—especially the treasure he has found in a Roman villa below the woods and secreted in the tunnels he has dug connected to the villa. Then there is ‘The Ass, Not Complaining, But There It Is’, who is as depressed as you think he is, such that the Player Characters are likely to have a hard time deciding whether they want to pity him or kill him. Although monstrous, none of these New Men are the true monsters of Winnie-the-Shit. That would be Allain Alexandre Moreau—or A. A. Moreau—experimental wizard and eugenicist, currently being held prisoner by Edward Bear so that he can daily cast the spell, The Ascendant Synthesis of the New Man and so create one of the New Men. He is, though, the most sociable of persons to be found in Lancaster Great Park, though that should be tempered by the fact that he is an actual sociopath. How the Player Characters decide to deal with him potentially affects the fate of the world…

Physically, Winnie-the-Shit is decently presented in red and orange because it is Winnie-the-Pooh-inspired. The artwork is suitably inspired by the drawings of E. H. Shepard. The cartography is serviceable. The scenario also includes numerous comments and sidebars by the author, some of them helpful, most of them simply informative.

The inclusion of A. A. Moreau points to A.A. Milne as being not the only author whose work inspired Winnie-the-Shit. The other, of course, being H. G. Wells and the work being The Island of Doctor Moreau, here transplanted to leafy Sussex and the equivalent of the Hundred Acre Wood. The resulting combination is disturbing and unpleasant, and certainly not as clever as Green Face or as Fish Fuckers – Or, a Record, Compil’d in Truth, of the Sordid Activities of the People of Innsmouth, Devon. At the same time, it is also absurd, the congruency of the Player Characters hunting for monsters when they are suddenly confronted by an axe-wielding bear bent on bloody violence! This where it is at its strongest and perhaps the realisation upon the part of the player and their characters that the monsters in woods are not monsters. If they go down to the woods of Winnie-the-Shit, the Player Characters are definitely in for a big surprise!

—oOo—

DISCLAIMER: The author of this review is an editor who has edited titles for Lamentations of the Flame Princess on a freelance basis. He was not involved in the production of this book and his connection to both publisher and author has no bearing on the resulting review.

Friday Fantasy: Meanderings of the Mine Mind

One of the richest silver mines in the known world stands dormant, its workers having downed tools and gone on strike. The miners refuse to work because they say that the mine turned on them after they dug a shaft too deep, killing several of their number, and trapping others. The owner of the mine has ordered the guards to force the miners back to work, and may even hire outside muscle—that is, the Player Characters—to assist. This, though, is only one of the reasons why the Player Characters might want to visit one of the richest silver mines in the known world. Others might be that they simply want to take advantage of the standoff to mine some silver for themselves, a child needs rescuing from the mine, the local justice of the peace has posted a bounty on outlaws said to hiding in the mine, a rival to the mine owner wants the mine shut down, going into find the trapped miners, and so on. All of these can be combined, mixed, or matched to motivate the Player Characters into investigating the mine at the heart of Meanderings of the Mine Mind. This is an introductory scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess. Designed for low Level Player Characters, it is not as necessarily lethal as other titles from the publisher, but it is no less weird.

Meanderings of the Mine Mind is, like other releases for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying, set in the roleplaying game’s default period of the seventeenth century, the early modern era. This makes it easy to adapt Meanderings of the Mine Mind to other retroclones, but there are historical elements in the scenario—the appearance of Neanderthals, Romans, and Nazis—which are unlikely to fit every Game Master’s campaign world. Once past the standoff between the guards and the striking miners, the mine itself is actually quite small, just eight caves and tunnels. Each is decently described with the details of any NPCs and particular points within each area, either an item or particular location. Where there is a particular location in a cave or tunnel, they are not marked on the map, despite the organisation of cave and tunnel suggesting that they should be. This is not helpful, especially given that the scenario is designed to be an introduction to Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying. Plus, it means that the maps feel empty and bland.

In exploring the mine, the Player Characters will discover the missing miners often in strange situations and also a series of strange tableaus, one from the deep past, one from the more recent past, and one from the point of view of the Player Characters, the future. These consist of a band of Neanderthal hunters trapped by a cave bear, a surprisingly mundane Roman orgy, and a band of World War 2 German soldiers led by a member of the SS. What connects them are location of mine itself and its caves, and its true nature as well as the source of rich seams of silver that run through it. The shafts that have been dug into the bedrock of the mine and rich seams of silver that have been mined from that rock turn out to be tunnels bored into the fossilised remains of a great ancient spawn from the stars and the silver the highly conductive nerves that thread through the creature’s brain in its last dying moments. Moments that last aeons… As the miners smashed their picks into the sliver nerve-seams, their blows reverberated up and down their length, triggering synapses, and causing the alien star mind to pulsate and in its death throes bring memories past and future into their weird realities.

As an adventure, Meanderings of the Mine Mind is quite small, consisting of just eight locations, so whilst it is a very rich mine, it is also a small one. There is mention of a second level to the mine, but this left up to the Game Master to develop. One issue with there being a second level is how it is possible for the upper level to flood as the text suggests. It may well be better that there is a chance of the Player Characters being swept by the waters towards the lower level or simply the whole adventure being shifted to the lower level. One big feature of the adventure is the ‘What Happens When A Silver Vein Is Tapped?’ table, which provides numerous random and weird effects such as a Player Character becoming irrevocably attracted to another alien god after an erotic vision or losing a spell or e memory. Another feature is more traditional to Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying, and that is, ‘meddle at your peril’. The Player Characters are likely to blunder into situations, attempt to resolve them, and discover that their meddling has only made them worse… There is the chance that this will happen more than once and potentially shorten the scenario. Similarly, blundering about is not necessarily going to resolve the whole situation in the mine, though it is likely to be more entertaining.

Apart from the issue with the maps, where Meanderings of the Mine Mind has a problem is in addressing one of the motivations for exploring the mine—mining for silver. There is no suggested value for the amount of silver that the Player Characters could dig out and no suggested value for how much they might raise from selling it. This is compounded by the inclusion of a ‘diamond encrusted pickaxe’ which enables a miner to dig out ore without triggering the weird effects that would otherwise happen if using normal mining tools. It serves an obvious purpose in terms of the Player Characters’ exploration of the mine, that is, countering the effects of mining the silver with ordinary tools, but otherwise it sticks out in truly anomalous fashion.

Physically, Meanderings of the Mine Mind is cleanly and tidily laid out on notably silver, grey paper. Even the illustrations have an eerie metallic quality to them. That said, the book does need another edit.

Meanderings of the Mine Mind is an interesting twist upon the ‘giant body as dungeon’ adventure in which the Player Characters penetrate and explore the body of some gigantic beast or even a god. The twist being the brain being explored rather than the body and the brain still twitching and convulsing with sufficient life to make its memories a reality. Which all fits the tone and style of a Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying, but whilst there is some inventiveness to the adventure, in places Meanderings of the Mine Mind is underdeveloped and not as fully realised as it could have been. Which means that the Game Master will definitely want to make some adjustments before running it.

—oOo—

DISCLAIMER: The author of this review is an editor who has edited titles for Lamentations of the Flame Princess on a freelance basis. He was not involved in the production of this book and his connection to both publisher and thus the author has no bearing on the resulting review.

Friday Fantasy: Magic Eater

What happens when the Player Characters have their magical items stolen? They want them back, of course, but they also want revenge. And that about sums up the motivation for Magic Eater, a scenario for Lamentations of The Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying. Except that there is a problem with that, because whilst Lamentations of The Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying is an Old School Renaissance retroclone, it is not one known for the generosity of its treasure, let alone its magical items. In fact, Lamentations of The Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying is renowned for its frugality with regard to such matters. So, what Magic User does instead is suggest that the Player Characters’ employer be the one who has the item, the MacGuffin, stolen and wants it returned. So, if the Player Characters have not actually had something stolen, then they can at least be repaid by someone who has. No matter who the victim of the theft is, a note was left by a notorious thief going by the name of Grimalkin, who works with a Northman, in an obvious nod to the Fafhrd and Grey Mouser stories of Fritz Leiber. Tracking the Grimalkin is intended to be easy because it gets to the next bit in the story, the fact that Grimalkin’s house has been set on fire, he is dead, and whatever MacGuffin the Player Characters have to retrieve is gone, having been stolen a second. This time by a gang which styles itself as the ‘Loquesymths’, which if any of the players find out how the gang spells its name, is going to result in the players thinking that their characters are dealing with a bunch of pretentious wankers.

This is the set-up for Magic Eater, a scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess. And despite the antagonists having been identified as pretentious wankers, things are going to get weirder from here on in, because it turns out that that yes, the ‘Loquesymths’ are a bunch of pretentious wankers, half of them are arseholes to boot. This is because half of them are now dedicated to the worship of a thing they call the ‘Magic Eater’. Part of this worship involves feeding him actual magical items—so yes, have a good guess as to has happened to whatever magical MacGuffin the Player Characters are after—and then take the great balls of excrement that the ‘Magic Eater’ defecates and brew them into psychoactive tea that grants them certain blessings whilst at the same the magic energies they are exposed to are causing them to deliquesce. Consequently, the thieves and the cultists in the ‘Loquesymths’ are easy to tell apart. The thieves look like thieves, bandits, or just ordinary folk, whilst the cultists are wrapped in cloaks to hide the fact that they have wrapped themselves in bandages. Unlike the cultists, the thieves do not make squishy sounds when they move.

The ‘Loquesymths’ hide out in a base in the boglands close to the city where the Player Characters or their employer resides. Infiltrating this base, the remnants of a Roman fort that has been used over the centuries and since fallen into a state of disrepair, is the focus of the scenario. (That said, it could be any old fortress, so need not be set in the default period of the Early Modern era for Lamentations of The Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying.) The fortress of thieves consists of three parts. First, the above ground ruins, consisting mostly of the remaining towers and partially repaired walls, then the damp cellars, and the cult temple, a mixture of caves and tunnels and worked corridors and tunnels. The cult temple stinks like a hot, sweaty toilet, areas marked with weird colours due to the arcane seepage from the Magic Eater. There is the possibility here for any spells or magic to fail here, and when it does, it is suggested that the Game Master use either Vaginas Are Magic! or James Raggi IV’s Eldritch Cock as a means to handle this failure, and probably the most entertaining. That said, it would have been just as easy and as easy to create a table of results that could have been included.

The end of the scenario, against the semi-gigantic thaumaphage that is the Magic Eater of the title, is essentially an end of level, big boss battle. The battles against the thieves in the upper parts of the fortress are going to be fairly normal, whilst the ones against the cultists are going weird and creepy with their bandaged hands and faces and their squishy sounds, let alone the odd powers imparted to them by imbibing the excrement-infused tea they brew. The battle against the Magic Eater is going to be a big brawl of all against the hulking, lumbering grump, enlivened by the fact that his consumption of magical items has given him random magical powers. The randomness does rely on the Game Master rolling a natural twenty, so the powers may not even change over the course of the battle. Which is a pity and the Game Master might want to alter the odds to make it all the more fun for herself, if not the players and their characters.

There are some suggestions too, as to what might happen to the Player Characters actually decide to drink that tea—definitely not a good idea; what they might do with the fortress afterwards, because possession is possession; and what actual treasure might found if the Player Characters search the fortress above ground and below. There are suggestions to determine if the MacGuffin that the Player Characters were attempting to retrieve is still here and has not been eaten and what might be found if the players and their characters decide that a colonoscopy is in order. It might be the MacGuffin, or it might be one of the most useless magic items ever created. It really is useless—and intentionally so.

Also included in Magic Eater is the bonus scenario, ‘Another Rough Night at the Dog & Bastard’. If that sounds like the author’s author’s tribute to ‘A Rough Night at the Three Feathers’, the classic scenario for Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, recently updated as Rough Days & Hard Days, then you would be right. In this scenario, the Player Characters take refuge at the eponymous inn on the same night as a trio of nuns who are not as innocent as they look, a bounty hunter, a thief, and a pair of sex cultists, because after all, this is a scenario for Lamentations of The Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying. And the cultists would not mind having sex with everyone and if that is done in front of their cult idol, it releases what can only be best described as ‘Jizz Pixies’. In addition, the inn and its staff have secrets of their own, randomly determined. The scenario primarily works off a relationship map which connects ten NPCs. The players will need to actively involve their characters in the relationship map to get the most out of the scenario, which is both roleplaying and NPC interaction heavy. As a one-night, one session affair, ‘Another Rough Night at the Dog & Bastard’ is pruriently serviceable.

Physically, Magic Eater is well-presented. Both artwork and cartography are decent, the maps being very clear and the depictions of the cultists a little creepy. It does need an edit in places.

Magic Eater is a daft scenario that punishes the Player Characters for being too attached to their possessions and then rewards them with a nice piece of real estate if they try to get them back—if they survive. That does not mean it is not entertaining though and Magic Eater is easy to drop into any campaign.

—oOo—

DISCLAIMER: The author of this review is an editor who has edited titles for Lamentations of the Flame Princess on a freelance basis. He was not involved in the production of this book and his connection to both publisher and author has no bearing on the resulting review.

—oOo—

Lamentations of the Flame Princess will be at UK Games Expo which takes place on Friday, May 31st to Sunday June 2nd, 2024.

Friday Fantasy: The Jovian Visitor

A year ago, the astronomer Giovanni Conti died and his student, Vincenzo Costa, set out to fulfil his last oath to his master. That is to protect his master’s work, which the Roman Inquisition and the church has good reason to be heretical. Thus, he took several tomes and notebooks from Giovanni Conti’s Florence villa and hid them around the city. Since then, Costa’s work has enabled him to revisit these locations and check that the books are still there. However, now they are missing. In desperation, he hires the Player Characters. They will need to check on the former locations and follow up on the clues that Costa will give them. This will lead them to a cult which has stolen the books for their astronomical knowledge and is using to bring about the culmination of its aims—the summoning of a second God. So far, the activities of the cult, the Cult of Secundus Deus, have not attracted the attention of either the city authorities or the Roman Inquisition, so both activities and beliefs are heretical. Of course, there is the possibility of the Player Characters’ investigation attracting the attention of the city authorities and ending up before the magistrates…

This is the set-up for The Jovian Visitor, a scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess. Designed to be played by three to five Player Characters of First to Third Level, it is written by Glynn Seal, best known as the creator of the Midderlands Old School Renaissance setting, this is, thankfully, a much simpler, shorter, and above all, cleaner affair than his previously, quite literally, excrescent Faecal Lands. Set in Florence in 1642, The Jovian Visitor can also work as a sequel to Galileo 2: Judgment Day. That scenario involved the persecution of the famed astronomer Galileo Galilei by Pope Urban VIII using a Automaton or ‘L’Assassino Meccanico’, and the attempt by the astronomer to escape his house arrest and the mechanical man who has been tormenting him. Now neither Galileo Galilei, or his assistant, Vincenzo Viviani, actually appear in The Jovian Visitor, Giovanni Conti and his student, Vincenzo Costa, are modelled on them. Replacing them with their real world counterparts is easy to do, and it makes the scenario more interesting if the Player Characters encountered him when playing through the events of Galileo 2: Judgment Day.

The investigation itself is relatively straightforward. Vincenzo Costa will be able to furnish the Player Characters with some initial leads, including the locations where he hid the four books and the identity of a previous assistant. Following these will lead them down a number of blind alleys and possibly into punch-ups with the citizens of Florence if they irk them too much or getting arrested by the city watch of they cannot explain their interest in the four locations across the city. It is encounter with the latter that the scenario is at its weakest, not quite explaining what the outcome is if the Player Characters are brought before the city magistrates. If, however, the Player Characters can avoid entanglements with the authorities, they will also learn that they are being watched by a mysterious lady in red. It turns out that she is an important figure in the Cult of Secundus Deus, and will go out of her way to persuade the Player Characters to curb their interest in the books.

Coloured a little by a random encounter or two, persistent Player Characters should soon learn that something is going on in the woods on the hills to the north of the city, where flashes of light have been seen in the sky. Clues found there point to the imminent fruition of the plans of the Cult of Secundus Deus. Can the Player Characters act in time to prevent the summoning of the Second God? And if he is not a god, just what is he? That though, is not something that the Player Characters, or indeed, the whole world really wants to find out.

Physically, The Jovian Visitor is well presented. The artwork is decent, and of course, the cartography is excellent. The map of Florence, in particular, is very nice.

The Jovian Visitor is a short affair, easily played through in a single session, two at most. It has the feel of Lovecraftian investigative horror scenario, though of course, without the Mythos, and that is no bad thing. That it can work as a sequel to Galileo 2: Judgment Day is a bonus, but even on its own, it is a serviceable, if short little mystery that can easily be added to a campaign or adapted to fit elsewhere. That is a whole lot cleaner than the last book from the author for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying is a double bonus!

—oOo—

DISCLAIMER: The author of this review is an editor who has both edited titles for Lamentations of the Flame Princess on a freelance basis and edited titles for the author of this book on a freelance basis. He was not involved in the production of this book and his connection to both publisher and author has no bearing on the resulting review.

—oOo—

Lamentations of the Flame Princess will be at UK Games Expo which takes place on Friday, May 31st to Sunday June 2nd, 2024.

Friday Fantasy: A Gift for all of Norway

The land of Norway is one of mountain ranges and fjords, and according to legend, one of the mountain ranges is not at a mountain range at all! Instead, it is the body of a Jötunn, Hrungnir, who has been lying sleeping ever since he was killed and thrown out of Ásgard for being a very bad guest and threatening his hosts, whereupon his body turned to stone and formed the mountains! In the many centuries since, Norway has since changed, not least of which was the widespread adoption of Christianity and abandonment of the Old Ways. Not every Norwegian has abandoned the Old Ways though, and there is a cult whose members believe that they can be restored. The cult believes that when Hrungnir was killed by Thor, his mighty hammer, Mjonir, knocked a piece of the giant’s heart free that also fell to Earth. If the Heart of Hrungnir is restored to the mountains where the Jötunn is said to have fallen, the cult believes that a great gift will be bestowed upon the people of Norway. Only recently has the cult found the Heart of Hrungnir once again, in the possession of John Ostergaard, a London merchant, as part of his Cabinet of Curiosities. However, as the cult begins to make threats against him, John Ostergaard discovers that the object of the cult’s attention has been stolen!

This is the set-up for A Gift for all of Norway, a scenario for use with Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess. The Player Characters are hired by John Ostergaard—perhaps at the recommendation of The Magnificent Joop van Ooms—to recover the Heart of Hrungnir. He is a hard, but fair bargainer, and will tell the Player Characters that he believes a recent acquaintance, Francois Arquette, stole it and is taking it to Norway. The Player Characters, of course, will follow in its stead.

A Gift for all of Norway really begins with the Player Characters standing before a cavern entrance on Hrungnir’s Peak. Once they enter, what they discover is a series of caverns, initially connected by a single, often convoluted tunnel. In places, the tunnel walls want to open and digest the Player Characters, oozes float around waiting for the opportunity to attach themselves to intruders, and there are signs too, of others already having passed through the caverns. The long tunnel connects to a bat-infested cave and another lined with sticky vines. The dungeon is actually quite long, but consists of a very few locations. In fact, bar confrontations the strange creatures to found within the caverns and the tunnel connecting, and perhaps cultists dedicated to restoring the Heart of Hrungnir to its rightful place, proceeding through the dungeon is very quick and the Player Characters could be in and out within an hour or two’s worth of actual game play with the Heart of Hrungnir in hand… Except…

Well, there is an ‘except’ here, and it is very much a big ‘except’ and a very small ‘except’. It also hinges on the fact that the legends are true, that Hrungnir’s body really did fall to the Earth and form a mountain, and that part of his heart is missing. What this means is that the tunnel and caverns the Player Characters are travelling through is his partly ossified alimentary canal. Now adventures in which Player Characters penetrate and explore the body of some gigantic beast or even a god, are a known design choice such that they have become almost a cliché in their own right. In general, the Player Characters find a way in via the mouth or nose or ears, but not through the anus. A Gift for all of Norway is, of course, written for use with Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying, so using the rear entrance was a given.

Anyway, the Player Characters will find the Heart of Hrungnir very quickly. Then they have a choice. Go home, return the Heart of Hrungnir to its ‘rightful’ owner, and take the money, or give it to the cultists or perhaps explore further and see if there is any truth to the cultists’ belief that a great gift will be bestowed upon the people of Norway if the Heart of Hrungnir is also restored to its ‘rightful’ owner. What that gift is, is left up to the Game Master to decide, but the inference is that whatever it is, might have been good for Norway during the age of the gods, but in modern day, Christian, Norway? Not a chance… Thus, taking the money is the good choice, whilst being overly curious is the wrong one. Which all begs the question, is that it?

Yes.

Physically, A Gift for all of Norway is well done. It is well written, the descriptions are good, the artwork fine, and the maps excellent.

A Gift for all of Norway combines a number of elements common to Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying. One is the consequences for the Player Characters if they are too curious. The other is a big, stompy threat that will probably unleash hell upon the surrounding countryside, and in most cases those scenarios have been a combination of entertaining, clever, and amusing. Unfortunately, A Gift for all of Norway is none of those. It is not that the scenario is bad per se, and it is certainly not a case of the scenario being presented badly, but rather that A Gift for all of Norway is not really sufficiently interesting or atmospheric to entice the Game Master to want to run it. At best A Gift for all of Norway is a sidequest that could have severe consequences for Norway and the Game Master’s campaign, but if it does not, the effect is underwhelming.

—oOo—

DISCLAIMER: The author of this review is an editor who has edited titles for Lamentations of the Flame Princess on a freelance basis. He was not involved in the production of this book and his connection to both publisher and thus the author has no bearing on the resulting review.

Friday Fantasy: Galileo 2: Judgment Day

Galileo Galileo is famous as the astronomer who attracted the ire of Pope Urban VIII and the Catholic church and the Roman Inquisition by championing Copernican heliocentrism, the concept of the Earth rotating daily and revolving around the Sun, rather than the Aristotelian geocentric view that universe revolving around the Earth. Tried for heresy, in 1633, he was condemned and sentenced to house arrest, remaining in his villa outside Florence until his death in 1642. What though, if Pope Urban VIII, deeply irked at an insult Galileo had insinuated at him in his work of 1632, Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems, believed that house arrest was too good for the heretical natural philosopher? How far would the Holy Father go in order to have his revenge? Would he commission a clockwork automaton that would tramp the halls of Galileo’s villa, tormenting him verbally and playing tricks on him, day after day? Well, to be fair, very probably not, but since this is the set-up for a scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess, it is safe to assume that this did happen and the Player Characters got caught up in it, because otherwise, there is no scenario. The scenario in question is Galileo 2: Judgment Day, which if you are thinking the title of which sounds an awful lot like Terminator 2: Judgement Day, you definitely have some idea what this scenario is about, because it does involve Galileo and it does involve a big, near unstoppable, clomping robot. Just not from the future.

Galileo 2: Judgment Day takes place roughly in 1640. Galileo Galilei has been under house arrest for several years and the Inquisition maintains a steady watch on his villa, the Villa Il Gioiello, hiring spies to do so from a neighbouring house. The Player Characters are the latest to be hired to fulfil this role, discovering the pay to be a pittance and the house where they stationed, a mould- and rat-infested tumble down ruin. The job is also boring. Nothing happens. Except on this summer’s night when strange noises are heard in the villa and then a figure runs out through the games. Followed, not long after, by a mountain of a man, heavy-footed, but determined. With the change in circumstances, do the Player Characters have the chance to take advantage of the situation and come out of it richer either than they were before or they would have been if nothing had happened? Their choices are simple? Do they ransack the Villa Il Gioiello, said to be home to untold riches? Do they race after the fleeing man, and then after determining who he is—most likely Galileo—work out what to do with him then? Hand him into the Inquisition and collect the reward or let him go free because they believe him to have been unjustly imprisoned? And if they do let him go free, do they follow him, or do they take advantage of an empty house, to go back and ransack the Villa Il Gioiello and make off with any money and valuables that Galileo has left behind? Then what of the great bear of man, huffing and puffing after Galileo, taunting him all the way? Can he be stopped, bribed, or does he simply need to be bribed and done with it?

Galileo 2: Judgment Day takes places in the default setting for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying of the Early Modern period, the first half of the seventeenth century. What it promises is a pair of one-shot adventures, but that is really not what it provides, because what Galileo 2: Judgment Day really sets up is a situation with a handful of options and another handful of endings. In one option, the Player Characters might see Galileo run out of Villa Il Gioiello and decide to burglarise the building and make a run for it themselves, being hounded by the Inquisition once the authorities realise what they have done and they attempt to fence their loot. In another option, they chase Galileo to nearby Florence, help his escape, and he rewards them with details about the Villa Il Gioiello and the many traps he has laid, letting them grab the loot. Alternatively, they capture Galileo, hand him over to the Inquisition and take the reward for doing so, and head for the nearest bar and get stinking drunk? These are the main options, but there are others too, including one where the Player Characters end up in the hands of the Inquisition themselves and face the possibility of torture and death—the table for which is just ever so slightly unpleasant—and another where the neighbours of Galileo decide the rob the Villa Il Gioiello before anyone else does. And that still leaves the unstoppable killing machine which has been tormenting Galileo and will stop at nothing to prevent his escape to Florence and beyond...

However, it is possible for the Game Master to run Galileo 2: Judgment Day as two separate things. For example, whilst the Player Characters chase after Galileo on the road to Florence, his neighbours could be attempting to loot the Villa Il Gioiello. To that end, several nosy neighbours are provided, who either turn up whilst the Player Characters are still there or could be played as would be looters with a little bit of development. They include a widow wanting to prove the capability of old people, a castrato who takes the opportunity to perform, an Ottoman mercenary, a gossipy chandler and his wife, and so on. These are simply drawn, but could developed into playable characters.

And then there is the Automaton or ‘L’Assassino Meccanico’. All six feet of it, a half-tonne of steel, and dressed in the best boots, wig, and cloak that money can buy. Designed to impersonate a man to the best of its abilities and then placed to taunt the poor Galileo for as long as he shall live. The thing is described in some detail, and comes with a table of twelve wrestling moves for the Game Master to roll on and randomly determine if it engages in combat. Galileo Galileo is similarly detailed, though as an NPC rather than a monster.

Galileo 2: Judgment Day includes the detailed background for Galileo’s situation, his means of escape, and the resulting chase from the Villa Il Gioiello to Florence, plus a set of encounters along the road in the dark. Possible events in Florence are also covered, including a chase through its streets and encounters with the Inquisition. The Villa Il Gioiello itself is described in detail should the Player Characters decide they want to take advantage of the absence of its occupants. The description includes some really nasty traps, though of course, the Player Characters may avoid them should they help Galileo and he reward them with their particulars.

Physically, Galileo 2: Judgment Day is a short, clean and tidy affair. It is well laid out, and easy to read. The cartography is decent and the artwork is excellent. The illustration of the Automaton is particularly good and in combination with its portrayal by the Game Master with its booming voice, it should enforce its imposing nature.

Galileo 2: Judgment Day demands a greater suspension of disbelief than might be required in other scenarios. If that is achieved though, then all bets are off, and that includes quite where the events of the scenario and the Player Characters will end up. This is a very player-driven scenario, with their decisions deciding which its parts will come into play. Go in one direction and only Villa Il Gioiello does, go in another and only Florence comes into play, although there is the possibility of the scenario coming back round from Villa Il Gioiello to Florence and then back to Villa Il Gioiello. Yet if it does not, there is possibility of using Villa Il Gioiello all by itself as a target of the Player Characters’ larceny. So there is the possibility that the Game Master could use the parts of the scenario rather than as a whole. The nature of the scenario also means that it is difficult to work into a campaign, but an inventive Game Master should be able to come up with something suitable.

Galileo 2: Judgment Day—inspired as the author admits by Terminator 2: Judgement Day—takes the concept of the unstoppable robot killing machine and drops it into the last situation you would think of. It has the potential to be a classic slasher horror with a really weird premise that could be run as a one-shot and thus a convention scenario, or it swirl out of control and end up in another of the scenario’s various endings, which would probably take another session to play. Galileo 2: Judgment Day is a ridiculous, but still entertaining scenario, whose set-up is pleasingly detailed as are it various different endings.

—oOo—

DISCLAIMER: The author of this review is an editor who has edited titles for Lamentations of the Flame Princess on a freelance basis. He was not involved in the production of this book and his connection to both publisher and thus the author has no bearing on the resulting review.

Friday Fantasy: Beware The Mindfuck!

Calamity has befallen London (and beyond). The year before last, a great comet was seen in the sky, surely a sign of an ill portend. Last year it proved to be so as the plague swept through the city, infected households being forced to isolate as the authorities nailed the doors to houses shut. Carts roll through the city collecting the dead, ready to transport them to great burial pits, so many are they. The King and his court have fled the city, leaving the poor to suffer and survive—if they can. Now a worse calamity has struck the city. A strange alien has discovered the city and seen the suffering of its inhabitants as an opportunity to spread its own its seed—literally—and so turn all of the surviving inhabitants into a cult wholly devoted to it. First London. Then the world. This is the set-up for Beware The Mindfuck!, a scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess. It is a little different from other scenarios released by the publisher. Though set in the roleplaying game’s default era of the Early Modern period, it is much shorter than the typical scenario from the publisher at twelve pages long, it is more obviously a one-shot, and it is designed for Player Characters of Fourth Level. It also carries an ‘18+ Explicit Content’ label on the front cover—and it deserves to.

Be warned. The language and the tone of Beware The Mindfuck! is strong and of an adult nature and it deserves that warning label. Some of that language is repeated as part of the review where necessary.

More specifically, it is Saturday, 1st September 1666. The plague has raged across the city for a year. An alien being known only as the Mindfucker has occupied the church on Pudding Lane. It has begun ejaculating ‘Ectoparasitoid Jizz’ out of its penis-like tentacle and this ejaculate is not only identical to the fleas that are the vector for the bacterium, Yersinia pestis, but also one of its two effects is to infect the victims it bites with symptoms that are not dissimilar to Yersinia pestis. This effect is fatal. The other effect is not fatal, but does cause its victims to fall under the sway of the Mindfucker. Not only that, but they also become fanatically devoted to the alien, worshipping and serving him in any fashion they can. Having established itself and its cult in the church, even amongst the chaos of the plague-ridden city, its presence has been noticed… There are two suggestions as to how it comes to the attention of the Player Characters. One is for them to be employed by the Catholic Church to locate and investigate a new faith called the Saints of Psion, the other is for some of Player Characters to stumble across another Player Character that has already been grabbed by the Mindfucker’s fanatics and is being carried back to the church.

If Beware The Mindfuck! is anything, it is a collection of NPCs, monsters, and encounters that the Player Characters might meet in the course of the scenario. This course sees the Player Characters cross London from an unspecified starting point to Pudding Lane. There is some description of the city and of the plague itself, but in the main, Beware The Mindfuck! is dedicated to its inhabitants and encounters. The former include watchmen who use their authority to line their pockets, body snatchers who will knock out and grab the living to sell to doctors looking for a cure to the plague, and plague doctors whose remedy for the plague, borne in horribly large syringes, is actually deadlier than the plague itself! The encounters take in all of these and more, including rat swarms, bigger rat swarms, men handing out victuals, a turncoat from the cult, and an infected nun. Perhaps the weirdest of all is the conspiracy theorist who sounds mad, but actually is speaking the truth and is modelled on Alex Jones, and the reviewer who turns up and criticises the actual scenario that the players are playing and the Game Master is running. This appears to be hilarious, at least as far as the author is concerned.

It all ends with a few haphazard notes from the author as to the lack of map and what he added to the second playtest, but not in the published scenario. Which ultimately, does not amount to much more than a meatgrinder of one nasty encounter after another across London before the Player Characters get to the church on Pudding Lane and hopefully discover that they cannot kill the alien in a standup fight and so resort to other means to destroy both it and its cultists. Presumably with fire, because this is Pudding Lane and it is London and it is 1666. Which is about as much plot as there is.

Physically, Beware The Mindfuck! is short, clean, and tidy. It needs a slight edit, but the main thing it lacks is a map or two. The author is fully aware of this and makes a point of it. Not only that, but also lampooning reviewers in the encounter table complaining about the lack of maps. He makes the legitimate point that there are plenty of maps of seventeenth century London online that the Game Master can use. This is fair, although what is not fair, is the lack of maps of the alien’s lair to be found online. He also makes the point that when he runs a game, he does not use maps. This is also a legitimate point, but only in two places. First in his mind and second at his table. However, Beware The Mindfuck! is not written or published to be solely run at the author’s table and solely by the author, but by other Game Masters and in other places. Said Game Masters might want or appreciate the inclusion of a map, but in this case the author willfully and illegitimately ignores what they might want or need. Make of that what you will.

Beware The Mindfuck! is coarse, boorish, and vulgar. At its best—and that is not a term that can be applied in general to this scenario—Beware The Mindfuck! possesses an attention to detail parts in describing its vile depiction of plague-ridden London. At its worst—and that is a term that can be applied in general to this scenario—Beware The Mindfuck! is prurient and unpleasant. Fans of Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplaying will probably appreciate it for that. Anyone else will probably find little of use in its pages and are advised to avoid it.

—oOo—

DISCLAIMER: The author of this review is an editor who has edited titles for Lamentations of the Flame Princess on a freelance basis. He was not involved in the production of this book and his connection to both publisher and thus the author has no bearing on the resulting review.

Friday Fantasy: The Curious Conundrum of the Conflagrated Condottiero

Konrad Spiegel is dead. Burned to a crisp, a gold coin in his mouth. It is the strangest thing to have occurred in the village for Schwarzfuß for many years. Jakob Falkenartig was a friend of Konrad Spiegel and fears he will be next, so he wants to hire some bodyguards. The otherwise feckless Bürgermeister Lorenz Künstler wants something done about the situation, as long as it does not involve him, and so hires an errant band of adventurers to do the job for him. Then, of course, there is the matter of the gold. Who has enough gold to leave in the mouths of dead, burned bodies? These are all reasons for the Player Characters to get involved in the events in and around Schwarzfuß. What they will find is a village fearful of what will happen next and who the next victim will be and who the perpetrator is of this terrible crime is. This is the set-up for The Curious Conundrum of the Conflagrated Condottiero, a short scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplay. Like other scenarios published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess it is set in the game’s default early Modern Period, this time following a war, the suggested year being 1630 and the war being the Thirty Years’ War. Written by Kevin Green, it is another of his ‘village in peril, but only the Player Characters can save the day’ scenarios, but on a much smaller scale.

The Curious Conundrum of the Conflagrated Condottiero is essentially Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Sign of the Four adapted to the seventeenth century, a fantasy roleplaying game, Germany, but with added flames and less monkey and more The Terminator. Not literally, but the antagonist is an unstoppable killing machine. Actually, the author actually states that the scenario’s inspiration lies in John Carpenter’s The Fog and Kelly’s Heroes, which is all well and good, but since his opinions and tastes in films have proven to be suspect with previous scenarios for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplay, he may not be entirely, or indeed, at all, accurate. The author’s taste and opinion with regard to films aside, its set-up is simple, flexible, and easy to use, whether that is the retroclone of the Referee’s choice or another setting or even another roleplaying game. The most obvious of which would be Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay.

The village of Schwarzfuß is not described in any great detail and instead, the scenario focuses on the victims and where they live, the antagonist, and the few NPCs of any note in the village. Most of the NPCs receive a half page of description each, whilst the three remaining victims several pages each, being accompanied by details of where they live, including very nicely done floorplans of their homes. Each of the three remaining victims is very different in personality and the Referee will enjoy portraying each one of them as well as the other NPCs. The venerable, but crotchety old monster hunter stands out as the most fun to roleplay.

Much of the scenario is dedicated to suggested ways and means of dealing with the nigh on unstoppable monster threatening the three victims. It includes faking the deaths of the victims as well as actually cutting to the chase and the Player Characters killing them themselves, and everything in between. There are lots of options discussed here, essentially covering most of the solutions that the players will think of and there is even a suggestion for the Referee to substitute a non-supernatural option if she does not necessarily want her Player Characters facing an unstoppable flaming monster or she wants to run a Scooby Doo-style scenario.

Physically, The Curious Conundrum of the Conflagrated Condottiero is very well presented and written. The artwork is decent, but the maps are excellent.

The Curious Conundrum of the Conflagrated Condottiero is a short scenario. In fact, it could be run in a single session and even as a convention scenario, though it would be unlikely to last more than two sessions. Its set-up is simple and its plot, well, not exactly original, so what matters is how well the plot is done and how well the plot is supported, and to be fair, The Curious Conundrum of the Conflagrated Condottiero does a good job of handling both. The result is that The Curious Conundrum of the Conflagrated Condottiero is a decently presented, well explored, if familiar scenario that is easy to prepare, easy to run, and easy to adapt.

Friday Fantasy: Earth Incubation Crisis

The year is 1635. The village of Landskrona has nothing to recommend it except perhaps for a legend about a dragon having been killed in the past—nobody can remember exactly when—and that is all. Landskrona is utterly forgettable except… In the past few months two teenage girls have gone missing, as have several children. There are rumours of witches in the area, because, well, it is 1635 and there are witches in the area. Also, a unit of mercenaries recently passed through the area looking for bandits. However, the missing girls and children, let alone the rumours of witchcraft are not the only problems besetting the village of Landskrona, let alone the rest of Norway, Europe, and even the whole of the Earth—though they are just the most obvious ones! This is the set-up for Earth Incubation Crisis, a scenario for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplay. Written by the designer of Wight Power, the good news is that whilst Earth Incubation Crisis is another ‘hidden, apocalyptic monster waiting to be unleashed, whilst surrounded by monsters’, it is more interesting, better developed, and less provocatively titled than Wight Power, and whilst it contains content that is prurient in places and is adult in tone throughout, it is not thoroughly as unpleasant or as tasteless as Curse of the Daughterbrides. In fact, inspired by Japanese Science Fiction, Earth Incubation Crisis has the potential to be a lot of fun.

Earth Incubation Crisis is essentially a hexcrawl set in the Norwegian countryside. Like other scenarios published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess it is set in the game’s default early Modern Period. Specifically, in 1635 Norway, so it could work with several of the other publisher’s titles or equally easily adapted to the retroclone of the Game Master’s choice. It could even be shifted to another similar location. The scenario begins when the Player Characters arrive in the village of Landskrona and quickly learn of its problems—the missing persons and the rumours of witchcraft, as well as the possibility of discovering a dragon’s hoard. This is motivation for them to set out and investigate the nearby forests, marsh, and mountains. Barring the village of Landskrona, there are only five set locations in the scenario, set across the region. As the Player Characters move about the area, they will run into encounter after encounter, and it is with these encounters that the scenario begins to come its own. The author has made an effort to make every encounter detailed and interesting. For example, brown bears are sighted in the area, but a pair of corpses are later found which turn out to be of a couple who tried to live in harmony with the bears and unfortunately, it did not go as they intended. An abandoned home will be found, but its former occupant might be found later. There is the mercenary band out looking for the bandits and the bandits themselves, hiding out after a robbery went wrong—which is why they are being hunted. The mercenaries are not just soldiers and the bandits not just bandits, there is a bit more to them in each case, which can work in the Player Characters’ favour as much as it could hinder them under different circumstances. Some of the NPCs are monstrous, but the major NPCs in particular are well drawn and often elicit the sympathies of the Referee, let alone the players and their characters. In other cases, what would ordinarily be seen as in monsters in other Dungeons & Dragons-style adventures are here treated as completely sympathetic. There are some genuinely entertaining NPCs in Earth Incubation Crisis and the Referee will have a lot of fun portraying them.

Ultimately, clues found across the area will point to something else going on in the region and following those clues will reveal a secret area where the real threat at the heart of the scenario can be found. Directly inspired by classic Japanese Science Fiction films, this is a truly gargantuan threat. Discovery of this sets up the second of two moral dilemmas in the scenario. This is a much bigger one, one which fits the scale of the threat. The scenario includes a solution, again on a similarly grand scale. If there is a downside to the solution and the final denouement in the scenario, it is that it can only really involve the one Player Character, who gets a very big role in the spotlight. 

Physically, Earth Incubation Crisis is a handsome hardback, done in orange shades throughout with slightly cartoonish illustrations. However, the artwork is unnecessarily prurient in places in way that adds nothing to the situation described in the book. Also, giving a robot the name ‘P3N1S’ is immature, if not puerile.

Like many scenarios for Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplay, Earth Incubation Crisis is best run a as one-shot, because with the likelihood of the world being ended, a campaign is really difficult to carry on. Despite that, Earth Incubation Crisis is a lot of fun. It takes the standard format for a Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Roleplay scenario of there being a ‘hidden, apocalyptic monster waiting to be unleashed, whilst surrounded by monsters’, and themes it around two genres which normally do not meet, but clash suitably here, whilst also presenting the players and their characters with a moral dilemma (and a way out of it). Earth Incubation Crisis then sets this in a superbly detailed, hexcrawl populated with interesting encounters and a cast of grotesques, and then lets the Player Characters loose upon the Norwegian countryside to discover the horrors, both natural and unnatural for themselves.