A Gourmet Gander

It was always feared that avian influenza—or bird flu—would be the one to get us. Despite numerous outbreaks over the past few decades, the world has been lucky. No worldwide bird flu pandemic. Instead, it was a coronavirus—COVID-19—that did for us, killing millions between 2019 and 2022, and forcing the world into a series of lockdowns that brought societies to a halt. In the world of Chew, it was bird flu that killed one hundred millions, including twenty-three million in the USA. In response the US government banned chicken and other poultry and like the War on Terror declared war on terrorism and sponsors of terrorism, declared war on all fowl. It poured billions of dollars into the funding of both the U.S. Food and Drug Agency (FDA) and the U.S. Dairy and Agriculture Administration (USDA), weaponizing both of them, and taking the FDA’s Special Crimes Division with investigating all food-related crimes, especially those connected to the farming, smuggling, and selling of chicken. Narcotics are not so much of a problem in the world of Chew, when there is more money to be made from dealing in chicken and terrorists with other issues will farm and smuggle them to fund their activities. Tony Chu, former Philadelphia police detective, is an agent for the FDA, not just a highly dedicated agent, but also a ‘cibopath’, which means he psychically reads the history of anything he bites—where it has been, who touched it, what is in it, and so on. It helps him with his investigations, but it also means that eating is not something he and others with his gift can enjoy. Chew is a sixty-issue comic published by Image Comics between 2009 and 2016 and the winner of numerous comic book awards during its run.

Chew: The Roleplaying Game, ‘A Foodie Crime Drama Roleplaying’, is the roleplaying adaptation published by Imagining Games following a successful Kickstarter campaign. It is a police procedural in which the core concept, best described as ‘Poultry Prohibition’, so think Elliot Ness, but with chickens, is the least weird thing about it. There is also cannibal crime, gourmet grievances, DNA dereliction, cockfighting capers, and a whole lot more. And when that is not enough, there is office politics, inter-agency rivalries, and the complicated home lives of the agents to deal with. Chew: The Roleplaying Game is a ‘Forged in the dark’ roleplaying game, meaning that it uses the rules first seen in Blades in the Dark and is a narrative roleplaying game with an emphasis on investigation. Its play is intended to be built around a ‘Conspiracy Board’, complete with different coloured sticky notes, connected, of course, by string, which the players and their characters can follow and amend to track their current case, combined with the use of Progress Clocks to track time, challenges, danger, and more.

The Player Characters are built around a set of Playbooks. These are ‘The Expert’, ‘The Hotshot’, ‘The Inspector’, ‘The Lowlife’, ‘The Mascot’, ‘The Prodigy’, ‘The Veteran’, and ‘The Wronged’. These are all derived from the comic book series. A Player Character has four attributes. These are Charm, Guts, Instinct, and Training, and they are rated between one and three. He also has three ‘Approaches’, traits representing physical or personality traits. These are all food-related. For example, ‘100% Raw’ means that the Player Character cannot tell a lie, whilst ‘Sunny Side Up’ means that you are always, always positive about life. These will affect the ‘Position’ and ‘Effect’ of any action a Player Character takes. Then there is the Player Character’s Quirk, his special power, like Tony Chu’s cibopathy. Suggestions include ‘USDAnimal’, a specially-trained cybernetic animal assigned to partner a USA special agent and serve as a Wi-Fi hotspot, being an actual cyborg, being a celebrity of some kind, having undergone some special training, and so on. Some are detailed, but players are allowed to create and name their own, with a table being provided for this. Perks represent a Player Character’s skills and are provided by the Playbook, whilst his Appetite Dice, refreshed at the start of each new case, can be spent to improve the action roll of any Player Character, to make a Resistance roll, to propose a flashback, or to grab an unscheduled break. Trouble will bring the Player Character intermittent difficulties, suggested categories including Debt, Family, Secret, Rivalry, Romance, and Vice. Over the long term, a Player Character can overcome his Trouble and ‘Stick a Fork in it’, but will then acquire a new Trouble. A Trouble has three dice of its own, which can be spent to reroll a failed Action roll, but means he automatically acquires a Condition and a worse Position.

Creating a Player Character involves choosing three Approaches, a Playbook, two Perks from the Playbook, detailing the Playbook’s Gear, and picking a Job. Three Attribute points are assigned in addition to the one provided by the Playbook. A Quirk is selected and lastly, a look is defined for the Player Character. Tables of Approaches and Quirks are provided that the player can choose from or roll on.

Our sample Player Character is Zillah Murgia, a scientist renowned for her study of the industrial properties of the hyperbolic paraboloid in age of food terrorism. Her brilliance is offset by an unpleasant manner instilled in her by an equally bitter, if not more so, mother, who to this day, claims that her daughter will amount to nothing, and a know-it-all attitude. At the age of fifty-four, Zillah still lives at home with her mother after a failed marriage, and to keep her mother happy, still wears what her mother suggests and gets her hair cut the same way. This does nor make her mother happy. After graduating from Harvard, Zillah attended graduate school. Unfortunately, her arrogance and unpleasantness antagonised the faculty and they attempted to persuade her to leave, which only made her more bitter and feeling further betrayed. Zillah typically found that a bowl of soup seemed to change the mind of whatever member of the faculty was sent to inform her and if that did not quite work, the hint afterwards that Zillah would go to H.R. seemed to solve the problem for her. After getting her PH.D., Zillah was asked to leave Harvard, but was quietly given a letter of recommendation, a pattern that has seen her bounce from one Ivy League college after another. Currently, she is permanent sabbatical from Dartmouth College where she has tenure and is working for the FDA to do something other spend more time with her mother.

Zillah Murgia
PLAYBOOK: The Expert
JOB: FDA Egghead

ATTRIBUTES
Charm 0 Guts 1 Instinct 1 Training 2

APPROACHES
Lemonhead – Cynical and leaves a sour taste in people’s mouths
Egg Head – Tried and True Nerd
Bitter – Holds a grudge

PERKS
Knowledge Bomb
Think Tank

QUIRKS
Donepulmentar – Onlookers lust after you when you slurp soup

GEAR
Tools of the Trade, A Goddamn PH.D., Portable Lab, Sat-Link, Tenure

LOOK
How your mother would dress as a Federal Agent

Mechanically, to have his character undertake an action or attempt to gather information, a player rolls a number of dice equal to the appropriate attribute, plus any bonus dice from special action or perks. The Gourmet Master sets the Position and Effect—abbreviated to ‘PEE’—for the Action Roll. The Position represents the Threat Level, ranging from zero and ‘No Risk’ to three and ‘Nuts’, and determines how many consequences a Player Character will suffer if the roll is failed. Whereas, the Effect level is the reward, ranging from zero or ‘None’ to three and ‘Great’. The Effect can be narrative or it can advance a Progress Clock. Only the highest result is counted. A roll of six is a success, a roll of four or five is a mixed result or a result with Consequences, and a roll of one, two, or three is a bad outcome. A critical roll is made if more than a single six is rolled, whilst a fumble occurs on a roll of one when the Position is ‘Nuts’. Consequences can result in complications, a worse position, lost opportunity, and/or Conditions. There are four Conditions and they apply directly to a Player Character’s Attributes. These will make a Player Character’s Position for an Action Roll worse and if a Player Characters all four, he suffers a Knock Out. Consequences can be withstood by making a Resistance Roll, which requires the expenditure of Appetite Dice, and if they are all used up, a Player Character will also suffer a Knock Out and Burnout, meaning he will also permanently lose one of his Appetite Die.

All of this is player-facing, that is, the players make the rolls rather the Gourmet Master. This applies to combat too, the NPCs acting as consequence of the rolls and decisions made by the players, and then the players making Action or Resistance in response. The players are encouraged to add to the narrative as much as the Gourmet Master—and use as much food-based terminology as they can when doing so, and whilst the rules look more complex than they actually are, they are quite straightforward. It also helps that the book includes plenty of examples, including a thirty-four page example of play.

Play and investigation of a Case is structured into three phases. These consist of ‘Off Duty’, where the Player Characters’ can be explored away from an active case or their jobs; ‘Investigation’ beginning with a briefing and then continuing with the search for the case’s three key details in an attempt to crack the case; and the ‘Action Phase’ where the perpetrators are caught or identified. The three phases are followed by a ‘Debriefing’, which can be both in game and out.

For the Gourmet Master there is a breakdown of a Case File and how to create one, backed up with a table of crime names and tables to generate random crimes, as well as advice on handling and resolving the investigation, handling conspiracies, unscheduled breaks, and more. All covering the game play’s core phases. The background covers both the FDA and USDA as employers of the Player Characters, and advice on how to portray their boss. Numerous factions are detailed and categorised according to the threat they pose to the Player Characters, from Tier I and limited influence to Tier V and possessing global influence. For example, a Tier I threat might be the Crime Alley Ramblers and the Philly Goths, whilst an Amazon Necromantic Death Cult and the Chicken Colonels are Tier II. All of these factions are nicely detailed, with their typical looks, possible Clocks, assets, notable NPCs, allies and enemies, and so on. Some eighty or so factions are detailed in this fashion. Various places of interest, again drawn from the comic book, are also detailed, including their first appearance, locations, notable details and reasons to go there, possible NPCs and scenes, and these together with the earlier descriptions of the main characters from the comic book and the multiple factions, the Chew: The Roleplaying Game serves as a decent sourcebook for the comic book.

Rounding out the Chew: The Roleplaying Game are two scenarios. This is in addition to a couple of case file descriptions slotted earlier into the book which could be adapted for play by the Gourmet Master. The first scenario is ‘Over an Open Flame’ by Banana Chan’ in which the Player Characters have to solve the kidnapping of reality television chefs to make them cook over an open volcano whilst in Bridgett Jefferies’ ‘Thigh Man, Thigh Man’, the Player Characters have to identify and track down the mysterious prankster who has been breaking into the homes of FDA agents and broadcasting from there. This offers the opportunity for the Gourmet Master to play lots of tricks and pranks on the Player Characters, increasingly frustrating them. The Player Characters are ‘Rogue Agents’, recognising something of the prankster’s escapades and in investigating and potentially capturing him, perhaps proving themselves to be FDA agents once again. Both scenarios are entertaining, both are spiced with food puns aplenty, and both coming with plenty of cooking tips, as the advice for Gourmet Master is called.

Physically, Chew: The Roleplaying Game is a frenzy of vibrant colour and action, liberally illustrated with artwork from the comic book, alongside what is actually quite a lot of text. In places it does feel dense and lean towards being overwritten, the numerous examples and the extended example of play very much serve to counter this. What this means is that Chew: The Roleplaying Game is actually a lot simpler than it first looks.

Chicken is kind of an everyman kind of food, a meat whose flavour and texture lends itself to a multitude of ingredients, herbs, and recipes, giving a great flexibility, whereas Chew: The Roleplaying Game is very much not that. It is specifically designed to handle the weird zaniness and wacky action depicted in the comic, a world of taco terrorism, food fears given form, alien invasive plants, cannibal crime, but definitely, definitely not vampires. Which means unlike the ubiquity of chicken, it is not a roleplaying game that is going to appeal to everyone and it definitely pays to have read the comics. Of course, fans of the comic will definitely want to get their teeth into Chew: The Roleplaying Game, and they will find generous servings of everything they enjoyed about Chew.

Friday Fantasy: Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord

In the heavens there is a war between the Stars, between the stars of light and darkness, and of life and consumption. The black hole stars called ‘Photovores’ seek to consume all other Stars, and where they cannot, they cajole others to steal and enslave the other Stars. They are opposed by all other Stars, led by the wise White Dwarf Stars. When a Photovore dies, its death echoes across the heavens and echoes on worlds as lightning. On the world of Zós, the death of the most evil of Photovores, Pséphtes, struck a boy and in time, the ghost of Pséphtes corrupted him and helped him become Photiós, the King known as ‘The Pantokrator’. His most loyal and fouled servants, the Corrupted Men, spread and controlled time through their Timekeepers, interfaces between space and time, from which hatched The Pantokrator’s other minions, the Spider Lords. The Pantokrator raised armies and took to the skies, murdering Stars and enslaving Planets, even personally stabbing in the heart, Ánthraka, the much beloved Moon of Zós. In response to the rise of The Pantokrator’s empire, the Stars attacked its many colonies and even Zós itself. Their mightiest weapon was Átmos, the Stellar Wind, which brought an austere nuclear winter to every world it touched. A hatred for the Stars grew in the heart of Pséphtes and his puppet, The Pantokrator, and even as they were driven back to the world of Zós, they plotted to restore their empire. Yet as they do so, the Star whose light bathes Zós is dying and there are those who plot in spite of The Pantokrator, seeking to replace the Star with something manmade, a Sun whose light and warmth can be taxed and thus fund The Pantokrator’s desire for empire again. Even then there are those who would take advantage of this plot to instigate a seemingly never ending solar eclipse and elevate themselves to sit alongside Pséphtes!

This is the background for Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord, one of the strangest of adventures for Dungeons & Dragons—for any edition, let along Dungeons & Dragons, Fifth Edition. Published by Hit Point Press, it is based upon Astromythos: Book One – World Art Book, an epic mythology presented in heroic verse created by artist and author, Jon Sideriadis. Thankfully, Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord is not in heroic verse, but it is epic in scale and requirements. It is designed for a party of Tenth Level Player Characters, who by the end of the campaign, will reach Fifteenth Level. The scenario combines cosmic horror and—very—high fantasy in a universe that is biological on an astronomical scale and will see the Player Characters crossing the dead bones of a dying world and plunging quite literally into the heart and bowels of a mountain before ascending to the heavens to confront a mistress Spider Lord at the heart of her lair, from which she woven a web around the Sun and planet of Zós. All of which is depicted in stunning artwork which captures the cosmic mythology of the setting. And the Game Master is definitely going to want to show the artwork in Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord to her players, so that they can grasp the alien grandeur of the Astromythos through which their characters are journeying. (There is, though, a deck of spell and item cards, which do show off the author’s artwork, but this is a campaign or scenario that really warrants a book of artwork to show the players, a la S1 Tomb of Horrors.)

There is, though, the matter of getting the Player Characters to the start of the scenario. The suggested hooks all boil down to the Player Characters beginning the scenario in the dungeons of King Photiós’ meteor castle on Zós and their being summoned to his court to be sent on a mission. They might be natives to Zós, but there is no suggestion as to what a native of Zós might look like in Dungeons & Dragons, Fifth Edition given in Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord. The extremely otherworldly nature of Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord lends itself to it being run as if it were a shared dream, but the reality of Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord also suggests that it could be run in conjunction with any setting involving alternate planes or travel between the stars, most obviously the Planescape Campaign Setting or Spelljammer: Adventures in Space, or their more modern iterations.

At the beginning of the scenario, the Player Characters are directed by King Photiós to fetch Dulos, a man whom the rather unpleasant monarch tells them is key to the restoration of his kingdom. This requires a journey, first on a train pulled by a biomechanical heart—the Artery Railway—and then on foot through the Flayed Wood to Nanókora, a poisoned village of bone. There are few if any survivors, but Dulos is one of them, and whilst he will thank the Player Characters for rescuing him, he will also plead for their aid. He will tell them of the truth of King Photiós’ evil and that only by allowing the trees to grow once again can the world of Zós be saved from his poison. Dulos will join the Player Characters if they decide to help him—King Photiós will attempt to kill them as thanks for their help even if they decide otherwise, and Dulos will guide them through much of the rest of the scenario. Travelling under what is now a perpetual solar eclipse, Dulos directs the Player Characters up the nearby mountains to find someone who can help recultivate the trees, but when their way back down is blocked, they are forced to make a detour into the mountain itself. The caves themselves have a very organic feel and layout, though it may not necessarily be obvious to players and their characters unless they map it out.

Once they are free of the mountain, having been captured by a two-headed ogre of cratered rock and been thrown into his pot along the way in classic fantasy style, the Player Characters enter the Skeletal Wood and search for the Zenith Door, a magical door in the sky which should open at noon daily and allow travellers to be transported into orbit and beyond. However, the perpetual solar eclipse means that it remains permanently closed, so another route is needed. This is aboard a garbage barge, for which its captain which charge a fortune, but it will get the Player Characters to the heavens to first confront one Spider Lord, Lord Skurigelos, in his dead asteroid lair and then another, Lady Klevastis, his mistress in her Horned Moon Keep on the lunar surface, after having penetrated the moonflesh mines. As befitting their Spider Lords, both asteroid lair and castle are overrun by spiders and festooned with webs, although they are not the only threat that the Player Characters will face. There is the possibility of their being captured in the asteroid lair and having to escape a torture chamber, but the exploration in both locations will culminate in a confrontation with a Spider Lord. The final fight in the scenario is incredibly tough, and unless they spot and take advantage of Lady Klevastis’ weakness, there is the possibility of a total party kill. (If that happens, it is almost worth playing through this part of the scenario again, as it might emphasise the dream-like nature of Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord.)

There are some suggestions as to how to continue the scenario, which will require no little development by the Game Master, but in this and the scenario itself, the Game Master is decently supported in Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord, something that is really useful given how different the nature of the scenario really is. This includes a good overview of the background to the setting and the scenario itself, as well as a list and descriptions of the scenario’s named NPCs. The first of the scenario’s three appendices describes new magic items, the second its bestiary, and the third, its new spells. The new magic items include some fearsome weapons, like Bone Divider, a Moonflesh great axe that requires a Strength of twenty to wield, is enchanted by Tidal Force so that it knocks opponents back thirty feet with a blow, and on a natural twenty cleaves an opponent in two in a shower of sparks and stardust! The bestiary describes some twenty-seven new creatures, including ‘Clock Mites, Mites of Many Colours and Neon Corruptors of Time’, ‘Spider Ghouls, Half-Man/Half-Spider Failed Experiments of Lord Skurigelos’, and ‘Star-Slayers, Dreaded Warriors of the Pantokrator King and Superhuman Slayers of Stars’, some of which should find their way into other cosmic or planar settings for Dungeons & Dragons.

Physically, Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord is incredibly well presented with fantastic artwork that will amaze the reader. Depictions of things such as ‘Opticos, Asteroid Abomination, Lord of the Opticons and the Spies of Photovóros’, all blue-grey and beautiful eyes looking in different directions, is genuinely creepy, even Gilliam-esque, whilst elsewhere, there is a dark religiosity to the artwork.

Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord is a linear scenario, one that is not difficult to run, but given the fearsome nature of many of the foes, difficult to overcome by the players and their characters. It is also difficult, or at least awkward, to add to a campaign easily, given the cosmic nature of its fantasy. Running it as a dream is likely the easiest way, since it requires the least explanation and will have the least effect upon an ongoing campaign, and it can be run alongside an existing campaign. In whatever way a Game Master decides to run it, Astromythos: Lair of the Spider Lord is a genuinely fantastical scenario played out on an astronomical-biomechanical scale with some amazing imagery.